Bipolar…

Here we are, with Ramadhan running now 2 weeks deep, and 2 more weeks to go or so. I didn't take any leave from work this year for Ramadhan, so you can tell how my activities would be in this month. As of writing this, I've already had to skip one day of work because of my sleeping problems. I do have sleeping problems as it is, so imagine the turbulence when Ramadhan comes! However, I've been trying as much as I can to do some chores with the camera, be it astrophotography trials as usual, or some ideas that I'm working with indoors, with some bad news that surprised me: My oval dome diffuser for speedlites is lost, and cannot be found in any single place in the house! I'm not sure what happened there, but I have to work without it right now. I didn't pick it outside the house, so it must be in, and maybe it will show one day, but not sure how or when...

Bipolar

Well, now much have been going on with my camera but I've been really trying to dust off my attitude and mood and work a bit with some ideas that I've been already thinking of doing in a long time now (and one of them is related to Retinitis Pigmentosa which was supposed to be done back in February!). Anyway, as my mind is rambling randomly, I didn't start off with old ideas but just started to work with whatever spark was there in my mind at the moment, and that idea was based on reflections on water surface.

Setting for my reflections shoot (which was adapted after trial and error)
The blue thing is a small fan to make ripples in the water but realized it won't make the image any better.

My beloved lost diffuser
:~(

As you can see in the image above, I had to adapt to using the small beauty dish instead of my usual global diffuser which is lost already. Working with this dish and in such conditions probed to be such a challenge with hard-to-predict results. It took me a while to find out what reflects better. Initially, I've used an aluminum box (biscuits box) and filled it with water but that did not work well and did not reflect well. After surfing a bit I've found out that reflections with water work better with dark/black surfaces and I have to say I kind of felt stupid at that moment! Because I always use dark background under transparent acrylic or glass sheets to make good reflections off them! How come I didn't think of that! Anyway, it was time to get some more kitchen stuff: A cookies' tray.

Bipolar

It took me a while to perfect the position of my head in relation to the tray of water here, and also to position the speedlite with the beauty dish (and a diffuser) in a good place to light the face. The idea of the image was already to take 2 or more shots and merge them reflecting on the bipolarity disorder. Excuse the messy hair in Bipolar, but I really had hard time leaning towards the table (with my face almost touching the table) just to get the reflections on the tray right. No need to delve deep into the work in Photoshop I guess, but I have to say that I didn't like the abundance of black space between the two faces; I've tried to remove it but it didn't work out well, so I kept the original. There is also the luster on the edge of the tray which proved somewhat annoying, but then after a second though, I kept it as it is just to define the limit and edge of the water body.

Bipolar (B&W)

This said, I think I do prefer the B&W version more as it shows a stark contrast of emotions, and mood. This is aided with the fact that I had to do some extra sharpening here (just on the smaller versions for this blog post). But the thing that annoys me remains, that black empty space. Not sure if I'm right with this annoyance or not actually but this triggered me to think of doing it in another way, if I can. What I really didn't anticipate for is the hardship in working with water reflections. Despite the simple settings, but location and lighting proved hard to achieve (or let's say needs time to get it right). This is with the help of a polarizer on the lens (Voigtländer 20mm here) to get the reflections to pop up clearly on the water (in contrast to its typical use in photography I guess!).

Bipolar II

The second trial was to be using my Canon EF 50mm lens this time and not Voigtländer 20mm like the previous shot. That required a change in the positioning of the tray and other things and I tried to use another modifier here (a simple reflector from Rogue attached to the speedlite, which can be bent to direct the light in specific direction). This one, too, took me by a storm as I was trying to fix the distances and the lighting (and because of the change in positions, I had to fix the background a bit). Like its previous predecessor, the idea of Bipolar II was to merge 2 or more images together. And while Bipolar was shot with camera in portrait position, Bipolar II was shot in landscape position but then cropped to keep the important elements. My plan was to show a full face but physically that was not possible and I didn't want to switch back to 20mm (it would have been problematic for all the elements I would need to crop out later). In the make of Bipolar II I decided to use the little fan again but placed a bit far away from the set to cause gentle ripples (unlike the tense ripples while working with Bipolar which made me stop using it). In both instances also, I had to take a "blank" frame; That is a shot for the set without me being in it to use later for corrections and cover-ups. This blank frame was essential for Bipolar II, as the table and the edge of the tray were quite clear, so probably a black band in the middle seems plausible!

Bipolar II (B&W)

As is the case with Bipolar, I find satisfaction with Bipolar II in B&W rather than being in color, as it is more dramatic and shows stark emotions. Moreover, working with Bipolar II was somewhat tricky as the original shot did not show the ripples and the looks through the ripples clearly, but once I've rotated the image upside down, it was clear that there is a contrast in emotions between a smiling face and a "maniac's" look. I've rotated the image originally to see portions of the eyes clearly and try to dodge them a bit but then when I saw how it is clearer than the original position, I've decided to keep Bipolar II in that position. I think the ripples here played a good role too, adding to the drama and the mood of the image. However, dodging the shady areas in general was not quite smooth and I had to abandon the idea altogether. You might have noticed how the light and shadows almost divide the lower half in the image into 2 halves. Probably I needed to use a reflector here on the other side of the settings (but the space wouldn't allow for it anyway). But my expectation is, this would not have happened if I was to use the oval dome diffuser on my speedlite.

These four (or rather two) images are all I've been trying to do with my lazy mood and schedule. As I've mentioned, there are some more ideas that I'm willing to try but I just need to push myself harder, specially with Ramadhan ongoing. Not sure how I'm going to work without my beloved diffuser though; Just when I started to like working with it, I lost it! If I didn't find it any time soon, I might have to prepare for another order. For the time being, I'll try to work with what I have and maybe try some DIY solutions.

Finale

As the situation is growing crazy in this area, as much as I get sicker and sicker of my reality. Not only for that, but because of the irony with these traffic jams, which proved to be denser in Ramadhan than in regular days (our working hours in Ramadhan are shorter). The weather is already reaching 42^oC in temperature, and of course this is not so-pleasant occurrence. Things at work are going crazy for preparations to move to the new location and as for my department we still don't know if we are really moving or not because of the complexities of laws and protocols. I'm starting to regret my decision for not having a vacation during the month of Ramadhan actually but I'm trying to keep myself going by wishing to myself that I would be traveling some time later. This said, I'm really not sure about any plans nor any real wish to travel with the craziness around me, as much as I love it and eager to do it, as much as I am getting tired every time I do remember the hardships of traveling plus the preparations. Sometimes I do wish if I have a companion for such travels. I'll be dreaming for now. Sometimes trying to be optimistic and fighting the darkness inside yourself leaves you so exhausted that you cannot even see the purpose of all of this. One it will all over, so I'll just be waiting…