Survival…

Well, here I am again, trying to force myself to post after some long time of hiatus. I've been seriously considering posting one last farewell post on this blog, because it did seem that I can't keep up with everything that had been going on in my life. Everything seems to have been under the major theme of stagnation. Winter is here already, and yet, I couldn't even force myself to do the things that I usually like to do in winter here; take a walk around with my camera and try to find some hidden obscure treasures around me, since I can't drive elsewhere, nor did I travel in some long time, and probably for some long time to come as well. Yet, nothing happened. My life had been going through daily routines and pouts of fatigue. I consider myself lucky to be typing this right now actually. I'm hoping that I will finish it in time though.
This post, anyway, is not ought to be long, but merely going through the few things that I've done in the past months since September or August even. I've ordered some new gear for my arsenal in hope that they'd incite me to do some work with the camera, but unfortunately, I've failed miserably (and I can't help but to think am I the only one to blame here).

Закрытые Двери
(closed doors)

During this hiatus (which is still going on), my phone was probably my best friends when there were moments worth of shooting. My mind could not (and cannot at the moment) participate in preplanned projects of photography, and since this phone is with me wherever I go right now (a situation that I consider new since it wasn't a habit of mine before), this phone had been my friend whenever something occurs to me that is worth shooting (like Closed Doors). Whenever the case is worth it, I can shoot in RAW in my old Huawei and then I'd complete the process on PC. Editing RAW files from the phone can be tricky though since the color system or space in use in such RAW files are not like the typical RAW files I work with from my Canon, but still, the results can be interesting during the process.

Confused VI

As I've mentioned already, I've got some few toys back in July in hope that they would incite me to do something creative with my camera and gear. Despite the "ambition," I didn't do much except for shooting my eye and making a series of shots which I've called Confused; reflecting on my mental status at that time (and now). All the shots were similar in essence, and all done using the new prism filter (from Neewer). They just differ in processing and maybe in crop and magnification a bit. Nothing creative here.

آمالٌ مُضْطَّرِبَةٌ
(turbulent hopes)

The creativity, ironically, came about shortly away from the new set of toys, with some ideas that sparked in me after reflecting on my life and my current stagnation (which is still going on). In this project, I've tried to use one of my new filters (the star flare filters set), but it wasn't quite effective, because of the usage of speedlites in this project. Nevertheless, I kept on working on it with many delays and procrastination. Initially, the idea was to shoot everything in one go, but since I've been working alone (as usual), this proved to be impractical, and I had to make snippets from each part and put them together in post-processing. So far and since that shooting (which took place back around the end of September), I've created 4 images from the load of shots I've taken in this project, three of which are from a series which I've called Turbulent Hopes. There are other images that worth inspection still, but yet I didn't manage to force myself to look at them and process them. It seems that once I've finished from the project (or so I think), I've just grown bored with it already. In fact, the setting is still up in the hall across my room in hope that I can do something else (I had some plans at the back of my head), but till then, I can't promise myself even to do anything about it. 

The setting for shooting Turbulent Hopes.

(Un)Social Media

The so-called "social media" had been off the grid with me lately as well. As the stagnation keeps lingering, I've also started to withdraw from these platforms, and I've stated that already in previous posts. Things, though, got somewhat ridiculous at some point with Instagram and Facebook, with bans and restrictions on my account being on and off. Even though the restrictions had been lifted for some time, these events really made me tired of such stupidity. Moreover, there is not much to be gained through these platforms (and I don't mean financial gain as much as popularity and propagating my work through them at least). If I was lucky, like super-lucky, I might gain 20 likes in a single post on sometimes (compared to an average of 30 to 40 likes on a single post some years back).
All this non-sense made me withdraw even further, and I've seriously considered deleting my Instagram completely, if not for the advice of some online friends who urged me to keep it. Yet, I'm not keen on posting regularly there; a single post would suffice for any week, if any. I would be lucky to get 10 likes in a month time on any post there right now. Things are even worse when it comes to Facebook, which treat me as a non-existent entity, and the people that I know there are probably busy with their own lives to notice what I post there even (and thanks to the algorithm that doesn't deem what I post important apparently anyway).
I've identified another platform, called Pixelfed, which operates in some weird way, but it is far better in terms of chronological order and the absence of ads. Yet, it is not widely known, so not much activity is expected there. It has a nice feature (like a remnant from Flickr), where a user can organize the images into collections or folders, like albums. My activity there is still minimum, and I don't post daily, as the interaction there is also minimal because it's not popular much (and it has some weird system, to me); Yet, I do think it is far better than Instagram. Maybe it just needs some time to be a competitor. One issue, though, with Pixelfed is that the Adobe1998 color space is not identified on this platform, and images uploaded would be switched to or forced into be displayed in sRGB space, which results in dull colors or less saturated colors for some images. I've sent a feedback about this issue, but I'm not sure if there is anything to be done about it.

 

The Stocks

It is strange how much can happen in just 3 months or even less. One of these things is the closure of Canstockphoto; a photo stock website which I've been uploading to since 2007. In fact, my first ever stock website to deal with and to upload my photos to. I've always kept a signature here on this blog for a direct link to my portfolio there, but now I have to remove it.
On the other hand, I still have 2 operating stock websites: Dreamstime and 123RF. I've decided previously to stop uploading to Dreamstime for some issues that I deem "ethical" to me. Meanwhile, with the advances in AI, 123RF decided to allow for AI art uploads, which I think is such a critical decision, because people would be most likely be generating their own art (specially those looking for models in the images). All that makes it easier to obtain art for various purposes, so it seems the role of photography here is diminishing in this field as well. For this reason, it seems that I'm about taking the decision to stop uploading to 123RF as well and just keep whatever is left there; if it is useful in any way.
With all these changes, I think I'm left solely with doing photography for art, whenever I can that is. It's been a while since I've held the camera and shot something (excluding the quick snippets with my phone). Unless some surprise happens, then I guess I'll be doing art for myself alone and maybe share a little of it on Instagram, just out of the desire to tell myself that I still exist in this world still.

 

Finale

秋天的舞孃
(Autumn's dancing lady)

I have my hopes now that this blog post would break the stagnation that I've been going through for months, even before my last post back in September. Loneliness, self-flogging, increased isolation by choice or forced; many things had been pushing me on the verge of mental collapse of some sort. Would I be able to travel any time soon, despite all the circumstances I'm going through and the eye condition that hindered me cuffed to this house? I just have my hopes there.
My sleeping pattern had been disturbed to some paramount measures. I would literally sleep 6 or 7 hours (which was a luxury for me during my working days) and yet wake up for 2 or 3 hours and go back to bed for another 4 or 5 hours of sleep, just like that. I guess this is what they call "escapism" maybe. Food had been also one of the issues that keep my mind occupied, ironically, from day to day, as one of the issues that make me separate from the rest in this house is my eating habits that don't align with the rest, as well as the frequent loss of appetite. I've been passing some days without having a decent meal, literally, but passing the day with coffee and chocolate (and cake, if such option was available).
One is ought to say that facing opposition in life is such a normal thing, yet I would say there are limits to everything, and any human being would get tired of everything, and tired of licking their own wounds in hopes that tomorrow would be better. I know there are things that I need to change, and yet, I don't know how to change, or what to change in the first place. Did I pick this sort of life all by myself and the only one to blame? Was it forced for some reason beyond my humble understanding for life? I just don't know… Whatever it is, I just hope it all ends any time now. The least I wish for right now is to enjoy this winter, as I used to every year.

 

YouPic: A Review…

Well, I can call this week to be a failure somewhat because I was not able to work with my camera, but I really have my excuses here; Eye appointment, fixes around the house, sleeping problems and lack of power and ideas (well, ideas are there but I'm procrastinating). And despite having 2 days of sick leave after my appointment, I didn't really invest much time into my camera. Hopefully I will do so soon and post whatever I can do here.
For this occasion and just not to keep this week without a blog post, I've decided to write a review, or more like a chain of thoughts about the website that I've recently "re-joined": YouPic. If you are reading this, bear in mind that this is just my thoughts and my observations and I'm not really aiming on pushing people into or away from the website, but it is simply my experience around it for the past 3 weeks or so since I've re-joined.

YouPic: A Review

I remember some years back when I joined YouPic, I've deleted my account after some weeks and I think the reason was, back then, that I didn't want myself to get involved so much into social media and waste time there instead of putting time and effort into my camera and real photography and away from "socializing." Now, however, I've re-joined because I've simply left Flickr and Instagram for good and this website did sound like a good substitution, for the time being. Anyway, now after some weeks of uploading photos there, I think I have to say that not everything I've encountered was positive. From my own perspective at least. To be fair, let me put that in a form of points to organize my thoughts, and classify them into Positives and Negatives.

Positives:

• Going around the website and reading the About section, the website is apparently established by a group of youth with great ambition (I think most of them are Swedes). Frankly, to deal with a website of that kind which is NOT based in the US like the bulk of the other "infamous" websites - that, for me, is a nice experiment that I'm willing to take away from the major stream.
• With paid membership (which I don't have still) one can establish a business through the website. I'm not sure yet how it works but seems there is a way to sell photos just like in stock websites, or maybe selling prints as well. Again, I didn't go through this experience because I don't have a paid membership, but the options are available and visible.
• The website has a system of "gaming" as I like to call it; Some sort of interactive awards (e.g. Award for traveling to 5 countries). I think it is dedicated who do like to achieve through challenges, and it is sort of fun to see the daily progress and the upgrade of levels and such.
• The website provides statistics for various aspects about your profile to track your progress and that is WITHOUT even having a paid membership (like the case with Flickr for example).
• Providing contemporary trending hashtags (as well as the typical aspects of social media, like messaging, commenting and sharing).
• The chance to "see" real photography with high resolution images as much as possible (unlike Instagram) and also providing categorization method for these photos (assigned by the uploader).
• It has an "Explore" section to find all about newly uploaded images or trending images and so on.
• Surfing through the website, I don't see much (if any) ads - Even though they advertise that with a paid membership, you will not see ads (with other benefits).

I think those are most of the points that occur to my mind right now about the positive side of YouPic. However, the negative, to me, is a bit of a killer on some sides, specially after encountering some incidents, which I will try to explain after listing the negatives.

Negatives:

• One major killer here is the pricing of memberships. The lowest membership type does actually cost, annually, more than Flickr's annual membership after their recent change in policies. Flickr's new policy caused some photographers (including me) to leave the platform for good as the annual membership is almost the double of what it was before. YouPic's annual membership does cost even more than that amount at about $60 for the Enthusiast membership; The lowest of the two options available.
• I'm not a fan of nudity but the website provides the users with the capability of tagging their images as "Adult Content" which does not view the image wherever you encounter it until you click few buttons. However, some people for some reason do not tag their nudity images and it shows clearly and directly making the website not suitable for some specific range of ages. Moreover, the admins of the website does not seem to track down these incidents efficiently as I can see it is such a common occurrence.
• Blocking a user is an available option (which I need to use actually). However, when blocking someone, you just block them from interacting with you only; You can still see their profile. I'm not sure if this is what most people want but for me, when I block someone, it means a block for good, in two directions.
• Starting first with the website, when I first started to upload, my images would get instant Likes and exposure. In time, the exposure did look quite limited and hard to get any and I'm not sure if this is related to the timing of upload.
• I started uploading my photos on some sort of a regular basis, twice or thrice a day, but then and out of sudden, I was shocked for the limitation of 12 hours time period between uploads because my account was Free type; Nothing was mentioned about the time limitation before in the process of registering.

I've mentioned above that there was some incidents which I might as well add to the negative side of things on YouPic, and maybe I'm starting to get a feeling that the website is trying to push me hard to get a membership in some hidden ways. Imaginations? Maybe, but this is how it feels right now.
When I started surfing the Explore section on YouPic (a nice leisure time activity actually that somewhat helps on inspiring me), I've noticed that some users that did upload ads as if it was Instagram. I did take it seriously and did report these posts and I got message from the admins thanking me for the help on keeping the community of YouPic clean. However, and strangely, after some time, I was not able to upload my photos. I've discovered later that I was able to upload through my laptop at work but not at home using my PC, and that meant that my IP address was on some kind of block list. I've contacted the admins over the course of some days to resolve the matter but nothing happened and the problem was not resolved. Finally, I'm now using a VPN service (free) just to upload my photos from home using my PC. In the course of this problem, I've received some messages from the admins offering me the membership and even with some discount using a special code as a promotion (estimating that, it was still higher than the annual fee for Flickr). This incident, now, pushed and pushes me to think that probably the problem with the sudden drop in exposure, and probably the uploading problem and maybe other downside matters might all be a "drive" to let new comers get involved with the website with paid memberships.

Please, don't get me wrong here with my suspicions. After all, they are just suspicions, but they felt and feel like true. The fact that I'm still unable to upload in a regular manner like before from home despite chatting with the admins and providing all the information they required is something that annoys me greatly despite the easiness of using a VPN, and for free.
The quite common posts of nudity (which I don't like to name as an art in the first place), which sometimes even gets down to the limit of being simply pornographic in nature and not quite related to the art of photography, and the incapability of tracking these photos effectively, makes the website not suitable for all ages (and for some people, not suitable for workplaces as well).
I think the website needs some rigid and effective push forward by changing some policies and methods used to manage the website BEFORE asking the users to purchase a membership with such prices. Thinking about it, Instagram would sound quite a suitable solution for photographers to spread and expose their images for free (despite its negatives) and with some good skills, any user on Instagram can turn his or her account into a base to start a business. For this reason, I don't think the prices of YouPic are justified still.

If you are reading this, I would advise you NOT to take my words for granted but to go out there and try the website yourself and make your own judgement about the website.

Warrior…

Blah. I guess after posting using an external text editor and then pasting it here didn't come out well last time. So, I'm back to typing the blog directly in the page and let's hope no fuss this time!
I've been trying to keep myself busy to some extent here, despite the tiresome body. The weather is getting warmer (some rains and winds though) and insects are showing more frequently than before (and THAT is not a good sign!). On the other hand, I also got a new toy, which I will try to talk about along with its usage in capturing one of the photos last week. But before heading there, let's talk about some News maybe?

Relapse

I think I've stated in my previous post that I'm going to participate (or actually did participate already that time) in Trierenberg's Circuit (or Austria's International Photocontest), and I'm going to list some of the images that I've uploaded for the contest at the end of this post.
On another note, I'm back to YouPic; A social media website for photographers (supposedly) which I've been part of for a short period of time 2 or 3 years ago but deleted my account then. Now, after quitting Instagram for almost a year (will be a year in July) and being chased by Flickr with deletion of more than 1000 images as per their new policy, I felt now the need to get some new outlet. Thus, I've turned back to YouPic.

I'm not sure what was the reason back then for deleting my own account, but I think I was focusing on simplifying my life (and still) and I didn't want to waste so much time moving like a bee from one website to another, and thus I've deleted this account along with my account on 500px back then. Now, 500px might be a destination again but not for the time being really.
Things with YouPic were smooth in the beginning. I've used to upload from two to three images per day, but then suddenly things started to get nasty out of no where, and I have to wait for 11-12 hours after each upload. Yes, half a day! This is, of course, to push people to get the Premium (paid) account, but I'm taking it slow. I'm not ready to pay for such websites yet. I think beside the time period limitation (which is way too exaggerated I think) - I do think that they also control the publicity of the photos you upload to the website; Meaning, if you are a Premium member, then yourr photos are more easily exposed and propagated through the platform, while in case you are not (like me) then you have to rely on luck big time. On the other hand, it also has ventures to see other people's photography and styles, which I will be amusing myself with when bored I guess or when I really need some aspiration to continue with my camera. Let's hope this trend lasts a while with me though.

Retinital Warrior

Well, for a starter, I made this term up myself. There is no such thing as "retinital" in the dictionary. Anyway as the month of February went by, I didn't get the chance to do any shot reflecting on Retinitis Pigmentosa. However, I was still on the trail and had some ideas at the back of my head despite being in March already and after the failure of my very first idea. Like my first idea (no need to explain it here really), this new idea involves working with the blind-cane as well.

Retinital Warrior
Sigma 12-24mm @12mm, f/4.5, 250^-1s, ISO100.

I have to admit though that I procrastinated so much with this project, and eventually I've done it in a sleepless night in the middle of the week, waiting to go to work in the morning! Anyway, back to the technical details here.

As you can see above, the lens used here is not a typical portraiture lens, but more like a landscape lens, the same Sigma that I've talked about some weeks ago in doing a one-camera-one-lens challenge with myself, around my workplace. I'm trying to get it into action further here. The thing is, I was forced to use such a lens because of the size of the room I was working in and the limited space. I had some struggles with the angle and the focal length actually but then decided not to waste any time and just do some cleaning later on in Photoshop when required. Focusing on the perspective, you can tell that various body parts are not exactly in the correct proportions, but I think this adds to the drama as well, and it's fine with me.

Oval diffuser for speedlites from Impact.

Since it was a dramatic shot, I've pulled my eagerness back a little for using multiple speedlites here and used only one, on the lane of low-key, so to say. After some struggle with the location of the speedlite, I've placed it on a small bedside table with an oval diffuser (which by now became one of my favorite light modifiers!). Beside using one light, I've kept the power low; Lower than I usually do with my selfies. This is to keep the dark aspect or atmosphere (otherwise, in some sense, the image might point to the concept of power rather than exhaustion). I soaked myself, literally, to give the impression of exhaustion (in fact I was at that time but without the sweat!) and the water spraying bottle which I got specifically to do this shot didn't work quite well. I needed to soak myself heavily, so I did... under the shower. I was really afraid of catching cold after finishing this.
The rest of the job is the usual cleaning and straightening a bit, but the major edit here was to pull out the colors and make the image closer in looks to B&W, while it's not. I've used the Vibrance adjustment layer here which pulled the colors' saturation in the scene perfectly but in the same time kept the vibrant red tone of the cane obvious; Which is perfect! There were also some minor dodge processes for the central part of the image or so.
Now, would I do this again using a conventional portraiture lens (like 50mm, which is equivalent to 80mm on APS-C sensor)? Most probably, I won't think about it even. I like the distortion here with some parts being exaggerated, and I think it ads more emphasis on the hand holding the cane, and my facial expression, while leaving other parts relatively smaller. Some people liked it already, but unfortunately, this image was done AFTER uploading the photos to Trierenberg's contest. Oh well, I might upload it for other (minor) contests if I get the mood to, or simply just wait for next year's contest. This said, I'm not over with RP ideas yet, and I might as well revisit the failed attempt later on.

Wirelessly

It has been a habit in the family here, with every Friday gathering, to play UNO (a card game in case the reader does not know it). With few weeks, I had this idea sparking in my head for taking a photo, a long exposure to be precise, for the game from above. That, of course, would be done without a drone. For some reason, actually, I don't look nicely on drone photography despite the beautiful images and beautiful perspective that is shown from above (bird's eye view as dubbed sometimes). Not sure why though... because it is easy? Limited? Anyhow, I did spend some long time thinking about how would I do this shot.

Case Air

Part of the solution came in as I was watching some YouTube videos and realized that such thing as "wireless tethering" do exist indeed! I really didn't know about it till that moment. All that time I was thinking that such a process would be done using a cable. But here we go! I was so lucky to find this in a local store here in Kuwait (AAB-World stores) which even had a delivery service (took a while to be delivered because the payment was not in cash but by Visa), and the price is not too different from other stores outside. Just connect this to the tethering port in your camera and download the corresponding app to your mobile phone and you are ready to go! They provide various cables to fit various camera models. It took me a short time to get used to it and to surf the app thoroughly, even though I can get stuck sometimes and a bit sluggish (a lag in the image update on the app) but that's not a big deal, when I can view things on my mobile regardless of the camera position and its angle! The Case Air solution works on Wi-Fi signal, so you would need to connect your mobile phone to it via Wi-Fi option (i.e. no internet while connecting it to the camera but that's not a big deal for me). That also means, I suppose, it works fine under the sun, because Wi-Fi signals are radio signals and not infrared (like when I control speedlites by that) and the sun does not issue any problems with that.

Case Air overview,
with a glimpse on its app.

Clamp mount similar
to the one I have.

As I've stated, this was one part of the solution. Yet, I have to come out with a solution that enables me to raise the camera high above while the card players would be situated underneath it. One of the solutions I've thought of, and the easiest (sort of) is to use a clamp with mounting thread (which I've used before to shoot from above). The problem with this solution is, though, that the fixtures in the ceiling are not quite in proper places related to the ground where the group game would take place, usually. Under these circumstances, I had to think of something. I really tried to improvise something but all roads lead me to one solution: Old School → High tripod and a lateral arm. For this purpose, I had to use one of the old tripods I had (which I stopped using because of its shaky status). I was really afraid that it would flip over specially with the lateral arm being extended at full with the hinge of contact between the arm and the tripod being close to the edge of the arm. Gracefully, things went smoothly, without a shake. To help on achieving the long exposure, I had to use my Kenko's ND filter (super ND, 10-stops), which I had no problem attaching while is up high. And since the camera is up high, the Case Air tethering tool helped me fixing the angle and the perspective of the camera to centralize the carpet's design as much as possible. One problem was there though: The tripod's legs show up in the scene, and I had to work on that later in the post-processing phase.

A Circle of UNO
Voigtländer 20mm, f/9, ~17m, ISO100.

Now, in doing this shot, A Circle of UNO, I did discover some disadvantages for Case Air, but I was able to go around them (with some mathematics!) but life would have been much easier if such problems didn't exist in the first place. Here are some problems I've noticed:

• Case Air app does not simulate the exposure properly (if any in fact) like it is the case on LiveView. This was obvious when I attached the Big Stopper filter and raised the ISO to max to estimate the time required for the long exposure (as I usually do), but once the filter is on, then that's it. No simulation and no histogram estimation possible even on high ISO. Because of this, I had to calculate the exposure from images shot in Av mode, and even with that the final image, A Circle of UNO, was a bit dark and I had to add 1 stop or more in RAW editing.
• When switched to "Bulb" mode, the Case Air app switches off the view (or LiveView) on the app and you would not be able to check the scene as on LiveView on camera. Thus, everything must be done prior to putting the ND filter and before switching the app to "Bulb" mode (of course Bulb mode must be switched on the camera as well).
• After capturing an image, in whatever mode I'm on, I can't review the image on the app but I have to do so on the camera itself. I think there is a way to control the camera in such a way that I can view the images saved in the card inside the camera (by displaying what the LCD is viewing as if the HDMI cable is connected to an external monitor, but wirelessly this time). With my case here, the camera being up high would not allow me to check every image after capture.

Other than these (major) points, this product worked well for me in this occasion. The rest was post-processing job of fixing the exposure and the contrast, while emphasizing some aspects of the image (like the UNO card at the center), and then removing the tripod legs (at the bottom of the image). Too bad though, I wanted my nephew, sitting on the top frame of the photo, to show more, but it seems he adjusted his pose before shooting and hence barely his knees show up in the frame.
This tethering tools have some promising stuff that I need to test as well, mainly the "focus stack" mode, which I'm not sure what it does really, but I think it works (or MUST work) with a lens of AF system. Something to try in the near future, I hope.

Finale

As promised in the beginning, here are "some" of the photos that I've uploaded for participation in Trierenberg's contest, and of course they are minimized in size to fit in here.

 

Now, if there is one thing I'm regretting really is the inability to write some poetry, which started maybe about the beginning of this year. Despite being in abundance, but emotions don't come easily into words. Writer's block I'm guessing? Typical. Same thing happens with me in photography. Meanwhile, I do keep writing some thoughts and save them on Writing.com, as I might reflect on those later on.
Away from all that, there are some ideas related to RP cooking at the back of my head but I'm just waiting for the opportunity to start with them. I've started a fasting cycle already here, for the month of Rajab, and I'm not sure when I will stop; I guess when I'm totally exhausted? We'll see. In fact, at some level, fasting somehow do push me to do some more sometimes despite exhaustion, but the lengthy naps are a must here. Good thing is, even with afternoon naps, I'm able to get some sleep at night (though sometimes late a bit). I think exhaustion works to my advantage here. For the many worries and anxiety issues have kept me sleepless AND exhausted already.
Many things are happening at work, and everyone is talking about moving to the new location which is further away from home (more struggle with the traffic than what it is already), but I'm keeping myself silent and all to myself. Here I am, trying to put my mind off with games and photography and not sure what will happen next. They say I should not worry about what's coming and focus on the moment and live each day to its own; Yet, I really don't know how people are supposed to do this. It never worked for me. I have to get my skin (and mood) prepared for summer here, and I must think of my next travel. Apparently, the only way to capture panoramas for me now is to travel, since nothing seems worth it here. Supposing I can shoot anything I like…